I feel like I've lost both arms. Is it possible to feel a lost limb AND a heaviness at the same time? I took my boys to meet up with their dad yesterday. They'll be gone for one whole week and I'm feeling a bit lost. My arms ache for hugs. My cheeks and lips look for little wet kisses, which would normally be of no interest to me, but where my boys are concerned, I wouldn't have anything less than a kiss that lingers and slides down my face. Literally.
I miss my boys. I know they're in good hands. I know their dad loves them and enjoys them and wants to spend time with them. That was never a question, and I hope it never is. I'm thrilled for them that he's not distancing himself. I'm happy to give them that time with him. I just wish it weren't at the cost of my own time with them.
Boys need their father. I tell myself this very thing almost daily. Some days, guilt accompanies the statement. Other days, anger. Either way, I see the difference when they aren't getting enough time with him. They were ready to see him. Mom and I watched them kick with glee when dad came to the door and they realized it was him...it really was DADDY. We loved every minute of it. He probably did too, but that's not my concern, frankly. I just know I love it when I'm the one getting that response. It's like someone created a parade just for ME. Nothing compares to the love of the child.
And that's exactly why my limbs feel like they're dragging the ground. The best advice has been to keep busy...and that's what I'm doing...just not busy enough. I'm tense. I'm anxious. I'm hungry. Hmmm...I'm going to get dinner!
