Facilitate Love

I was reminded recently just how important it is for the parent/child relationship of the non-custodial parent to remain in tact as long as possible.  As the custodial parent, it falls upon me to facilitate - especially since my children are still so young.  I'm not saying it's easy.  It's one of the most difficult things I do every month.  And I can't see the payoff every time because I'm not, necessarily, the one who receives it.  Believe me when I say...there's a payoff.   And there's a price for all if it doesn't happen.

I know women who are unwilling to faciliate time between the non-custodial parent and child or children.  I know it personally.  I long for something different.  I attempt to reach out to mom in hopes family ties will matter and draw them to us, but it's an uphill battle.  I can't imagine what it must be like for grandparents to not see their grands.  And then there's dad.  I think moms in this situation find it easy to justify keeping the kids from "him"...he who could only teach my children bad behaviors.  It's unfair and inaccurate.  Love is the most important part of the equation.  Short-sighted ex-spouses seem to forget that while love may not be in the adult relationship any longer, the parent/child relationship doesn't need to lose it.  In fact, the children have more to gain and so much more to lose without it.

If you have children with someone, please make certain shared time is available.  See your ex, if necessary, and be kind.  Remember, it's not just about you and your hurts.  Take the time your children are with their other parent to heal. 

Faciliate Love.

Fall Festival Part II

Day two of partying didn't disappoint my boys.  After an arduous day of candy collecting at school, I forced the boys to attend a Trunk or Treat event at a local church we visit.  From the moment we arrived,  my three year old was ready to hit the ground running. 

So many fun aspects were included in this event.  In fact, so many that Mommy was feeling pretty stressed.  This time, I learned more about myself than I did my kids.  Ah, parenting...always a lesson.

First, my oldest LOVED the bouncy slide/course/race.  He didn't like being stuck between a couple of blow up pileon's, so he opted to run around the side and jump in through a small opening in the middle of the course, thus, beating any race competitors.  He adored climbing the tall wall and sliding down the other side.  Loved it so much it became a fight to leave that one spot.  Once I peeled him away, we jumped in a small house, popped bubbles, threw a wet sponge at a person's head, and had a  sand bag toss.  All in the name of candy. 

Both kids really enjoyed the little duck pond.  No surprise there...water was involved.  The oldest spent his time putting the extra ducks in the pond.  He didn't quite grasp that his only responsibility was to pick up one duck and receive candy.  He felt the need to liberate all ducks to their home in the water.  My one year old found his joy in duplicating his bath time activities by splashing in the water with both hands and trying to walk in the water.  If he were older, I might explain that while this is a church event, walking on water is not required or expected.  Instead, I wrung out his sleeves/wings and moved on to dry land.

All in all, another good time was had by both boys.

Here's what I learned (as a single mom):

• I don't like crowds - especially outdoor crowds - too many elements outside my control
• I'm a control freak (not really a new lesson)
• I don't like loud music while trying to wrangle my boys and get their attention
• I won't be dressing up again until my boys are old enough to walk beside me and not get lost - managing a tutu, a nose, and toddlers is more burden than one should have to bear
• I'm at my worst at the hot dog counter
• I'm impatient
• It may not always be pretty, but when the chips are down, I can get these boys some candy!

A big thanks to Mimi for enduring the "fun" with us and helping to make it possible.